I love my job

firespell - a playlist for creating

I put together a short half-hour playlist of a bunch of beautiful women singing a bunch of brilliant songs. I used to make playlists (and mixtapes) all the time in high school, but iTune's Genius and Spotify's Radio have been doing the job for me more often than not in recent years since it's so simple. 

Nothing, though, can replicate the love you put into a playlist you compile yourself. Songs that are speaking to your heart, songs that seem to know you, arranged carefully into something that makes some inexplicable sense to you.

Or perhaps I'm giving playlists a little too much credit. I hope you like it either way. 

12 new things

3d printing

watch: Suspiria

Who doesn't love a horror that wont keep you awake at night? I mean, The Ring was great and all, but it was also utterly terrifying. The first time I watched it my mobile rang during the closing credits and I nearly died in fear. But Suspiria is not a film that will give you nightmares. Suspiria is a work of art.

The use of primary colours, clever camera angles and sharp lines create such an ominous feeling throughout the film and the soundtrack by Goblin is just so awesome and fitting. It is a joy to watch. (I made Tom do so last night.)

bad movies

I love a bad movie. You probably know the really obvious items on the must-watch list of bad films: The Room, Birdemic, Sharknado and the like. These are all so widely love-hated that you cannot fail to have heard excited recollections of scenes at the pub even if you haven't descended to my level and watched them all more times than you can count.

some rambling thoughts on sickness and twenty-three

I've been dreadfully sick for over a week and am only now beginning to feel human again. When I get sick, my body doesn't allow half measures. I am fraught with nightmares and voices and a whole myriad of inexplicable weirdness.

But finally, finally, I feel better and brighter and this is only aided by the beautiful weather today. I'm sitting in my favourite spot under the Magnolia tree surrounded by colour. The garden is overflowing with wild flowers and the low rumbling buzz of happy bees.

 

It was my birthday on Thursday. I was beginning to feel better, but only slightly. Only the day before I had returned to work only to be entirely overwhelmed by vertigo and nausea. I went to lunch at Semaphore with my mum, nana (who celebrates her birthday on the same day) and my sister. It has become painfully obvious that I am looking into my future when I'm with those women. My mum is becoming more and more like her mother with time and I am becoming more and more like mine. Soon I'll be that strange woman making conversation with every child she sees and anyone standing in line in the supermarket with her. I had a great birthday, first with those three incredible women and then with Tom. I needed a long nap in the middle of the day, but my birthday marked a considerable improvement in my health, which was a nice surprise birthday gift.

We finally got to the end of Breaking Bad and were both thoroughly satisfied by the ending. We have had many debates about Walt, for whom Tom maintained sympathy throughout the series and I grew to loath more and more as it went on.

I'll give twenty-three some more thought over the weekend. I'm not sure if I should be marking the occasion with a "twenty-four before twenty-four" list or a dedicated theme for the year to come or to just let it pass as a milestone of it's own.

How do you like to mark another year of your life?

Breaking Bad & Birthday Week

We're totally late to the party, but Tom and I are just about to start season five of Breaking Bad (no spoilers, please!) and we are completely obsessed. We're planning a marathon session for the last few episodes involving Los Pollos Hermanos Chicken à la Tom (maybe this?) and blue cocktails à la Georgia. (I like to stick to the part of the menu that will never fail to please)

It's my birthday on Thursday and since I have told Tom not to get me anything this year and because I am a great believer in the birthday week, Tom had announced to me a whole week of celebrations are in store. He knows just how to make me feel special. Unfortunately I'm starting this Birthday Week having just gotten over a virus and somehow swapped it with a mighty headcold that makes me feel like everything is very far away from me and kind of ... fuzzy.

Lemons

I didn't mean to take a break from blogging, but the air around me became heavy and I found myself burrowing into cushions and immersing myself in the worlds of fictional characters whenever my own became quiet.

Eventually, though, I felt that ray of sunshine that told me it was safe to come out. My periods of anxiety are shorter now, but just as intense and unexpected. Years have taught me that there is no clear trigger, no ominous warning signs, and all I can do is ride the waves as best I can until the waters again become clear.

I look back to that time only a few years ago when leaving the house was the most terrifying prospect and I could go weeks without leaving the safety and familiarity of my bed. I know that I am stronger and better than I have ever been, but in those weaker moments it is hard to know this truth; it is impossible to see the forest for the trees.

You might remember that I briefly mentioned a creative project that I was excited about. It sat in the back of my mind for those weeks where I did no more than go through the motions: work, home, marathoning bad tv, harry potter, wash, rinse, repeat. But it occurs to me now that this was the worst thing that I could have done, because it is only when I have a project to excite and consume me that I feel alive.

Which brings me to the other reason I've been neglecting this space. I'm putting my heart into this creative endeavour; I've been busy working on it in  my free time for the last couple of weeks. It has to move slowly for mostly financial reasons but I will share with you very soon.

We've been discussing our next move. It's hard to know where we'll be a few months from now. We might be right here in our lovely little home or we could be making a new one in a bigger city or a small country town or on the other side of the planet. It all comes down to the jobs available for Tom. We have our fingers crossed for a Graduate position that has come up, but it's nice to know that we can be happy on any adventure together so if not this one something else will come up down the track.

It's almost two years now that we've been together and over eighteen months living together and we're more in love every day. I wish I could remember to count my blessings more often; I have so much to be grateful for and happy about in my life. It feels like such a failing that fear and anxiety can overwhelm all of that and reduce me to a wreck of a person drowning in her own tears.

Creativity and gratitude bring out the best in me. I plan to drown myself in those instead. You know ... the happy kind of drowning? I think that's my cue to shut up.