The last couple of weeks have been punctuated by both soaring highs and crashing lows. I've had moments of pure, unbridled bliss and I've also had a couple of the most severe and terrifying panic attacks of my life. I've started a dozen post drafts but not managed to hit publish on any because my mind is a jumble of thoughts and feelings that work against one another and leave me with the fallout- a strange feeling of loss, or perhaps the very opposite? I'm not quite sure. I feel like I'm floating around in a whirl of confusion but I'm also finding myself with a much clearer direction and desire to achieve.

There is actually a lot of wonderful little things happening in my world that I've wanted to share, but in between those times my anxiety has been high and I've found myself prefering to fill silence with the voices of others rather than my own. Tom got a new job for the summer and has had a couple of interviews for really exciting graduate positions. It's too soon still to know what he'll do and where we might be next year, but I'm just so damn proud of him and have learnt so much from watching him work towards his dreams throughout honours and this painful job-seeking process. I find myself more driven simply by knowing I have him by my side and reminding myself of the drive he shows even, no, especially, when things feel like too much.  

I've been working on a few little creative projects (pressing flowers, making succulent houses) and planning DIY gifts and decorations for Christmas. We put up our 'tree' (excuse the poor iPhone photo) for this year and downloaded hilarious carols albums from the liked of Boys II Men and Mariah Carey. I tested a recipe for Christmas cookies and brought the final product into work for my regulars to judge. My day to day has been full of little joys such as these; my feelings of overwhelm have sprung from within my own head, not in response to external stressors. 

Most importantly, though, I've finally started on the path towards a dream of mine and can see both hard work and great reward in my future. My dad has been helping from afar and he has helped me to gain much more confidence in my ability to reach my own goals.

So why am I writing today? I don't know. Nothing has changed, I'm still feeling that paradoxical pang of bliss and overwhelming fear. It's about to reach 37 degrees , I'm standing in a lonely shop with no customers and I have a mountain of dishes to attack when I get home. But today, for some strange reason, these little monotonies of daily life are what makes me feel human and whole. I haven't served a customer in half an hour and yet I'm feeling more connected to the rest of the world and less like the stranger in a crowd.

ps. It hit 39 degrees this afternoon, which for those of you playing at home on the other side of the globe is 102 Fahrenheit. I have no words to explain the hate I feel for the sun right now. 

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It's been a weird and difficult and wonderful and long and horrible week. I don't really know what kind of week it has been. Life has been nothing but blissful, but my mind has been anything but at peace. It has been a week of extremes, perhaps. I've sat in front of empty drafts trying to write, but found my mind too full of words to find

Christmas Starts Early

It's begun. They just put Christmas decorations up above the shop I work in, including two life-sized toy soldiers. Unlike my boss, however, (whose nonsense rants could go on forever) I've decided not to moan about how it's too early, but to use this as a prompt to get my act together and give my Christmas gifting appropriate forethought this year.

I know I'm not alone in finding that Christmas has snuck up on me every year and feeling disappointed with myself in the mad last-minute rush. I love the idea of giving perfect gifts, and I love even more the idea of making the perfect gift, but so often I find myself with too little time and too few ideas to really do the season justice.

Not. This. Year.

I'm starting early and I'm doing it right. I find I'm already filled with Yule joy as I plan the theme of my gift wrapping and all of the Christmas baking and DIYing and decorating I am going to do. 

As always, it starts with scouring Pinterest for inspiration. I often find that looking at Chistmas DIY-specific boards is less than inspiring for me, since they're often full of winter-themed projects. I guess that Christmas is synonymous with winter for most of the world, but here in Australia it means sunny days spent eating outdoors with sangria and bare feet, rather than mulled wine around the fireplace.

And fir trees. I don't get them. The only fir trees we have are in forests specifically designed for making paper. They're not real trees. They belong in Christmas movies and Twin Peaks.

My dream studio

This morning I went up to a beautiful Open Garden in Blakiston. I'll post a few photos of the garden tomorrow (ed: the photos really aren't worth sharing and do no justice to the garden itself), but right now all I can think about is this studio. The garden belongs to the very talented artist Cassie Thring, and since Adelaide is Adelaide and the Six Degrees Rule here actually translates to about two degrees of separation at it's worst, we of course had a couple of connections and she invited us to have a look inside her studio. Excuse the glare from the windows, I quickly snapped a few photos with my point and shoot because I was just so in love with the place.

Doesn't this space just ooze creativity? Give me some indoor plants and a lazy cat and I don't think I'd ever leave.

life, lately.

True to form, I've been forever in posting again. Following an incident involving a stupid girl, a flying bottle of vodka and a defenceless computer, Tom & I have been sharing my computer for months. He's been crazy busy with job applications lately and working on a paper he's getting published (I'm so proud of him) so I've been more ... analogue ... in recent weeks. Spring is bringing a lot of beautiful weather and flowers and things to look forward to, so I'm not really feeling the loss.

We went to the Gilles Street Markets on Sunday. We browsed a little, but mostly we just enjoyed people watching as we ate delicious food and basked in the sunshine.

 

 

I've been thoroughly obsessed with our garden's offerings. Not nearly as obsessed as our crazy neighbour, though, who has taken to conducting a daily count of the many hundreds of self-seeding poppies that have taken over our front yard. (She treats the garden as her own whether we like it or not) The other day she spent two hours with a notebook documenting the nature of the different interbreeding varieties. I'm having a go at pressing some flowers and leaves, which I vaguely remember doing as a child. It will either look drab and old fashioned or, I hope, more like a mix between art and a botanical study. I'll let you know in a few weeks.

What has been keeping you busy lately?

lately.

How has it been so many days since we last spoke? The time has passed so quickly it feels like I was living in a montage from a bad movie. The backing track, though, would have to be the sweet, slow sound of Lou Reed's Street Hassle.



It seems only fitting.

We've been busy, but there really isn't anything exciting to report just yet. I look back at the last week and a bit and even though at the time we felt crazy busy, I almost can't remember what we did during that time. We went for dinner at mum's and gave out candy to a couple of kids from her street for Hallowe'en. It was a novel experience; in Australia only crappy nightclubs seem to care about the supposed holiday. More job applications, more planning for an exciting project I can't quite start, more working and living and all those usual things.

It was nice to have a relaxing day at the Gilles Street Markets today. Everything we're busy with at the moment has delayed gratification and it's easy to feel like we're just treading water. Sitting together eating delicious food and soaking up the busy atmosphere in the sunshine was just what we needed.

You guys, I love him so much. We are more disgustingly in love every day and I wouldn't have it any other way.