Perfectionism has been crippling for me in the past, and it continues to dictate what I am willing to attempt and complete. Whilst for some, perfectionism may engender a ferocious and occasionally dangerous need to push oneself, for me it is a somewhat different beast. My desire is not to do my best, but to be the best at whatever I do - thus I choose to do very little. My logic is obviously flawed. I've heard the saying "you only fail at what you don't do", and yet I choose time and again to do nothing, to quit and bolt at the first sign of trouble, rather than to try and perhaps fall short of my ridiculous goals.
Tom worked so hard this year. His honours year did not come easily, it was a year of long hours and hard work and bouts of stress and self doubt. In order to achieve his goal, Tom invested all of himself into his work. When I went to
Obviously, Tom is not the first person I've seen work extraordinarily hard towards their goal. I suppose that you find what you need when you need it the most.
I wanted to be a University student, but I didn't want the work that came with it. I had romanticised the place beyond reproach as this wonderful mecca of knowledge and intellectual debate and I was unwilling to accept that I'd have to hate it every now and then in order to reap those benefits. University is not a mecca of intellectual debate - it is full of young people wasting time while they figure themselves out. People like me. Perhaps some of us a widely read, but most conversations are about the hilarious thing that happened at the bar last week.
I'm going to finish my three Certificate IV's in marketing, advertising and business this semester, because even though they haven't engendered in me any great enjoyment or inspiration, I need to finally prove to myself that I can work towards a goal and complete something again. It's been too long. I've been too easy on myself, allowing pleasure in the short term to count for more than what I will gain in the longer term.
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