I didn't want to leave the last post lingering there like that. It has no reflection on how I feel most of the time. Right now I'm floating on clouds. When I wrote that, I was waiting for medication to kick in after five days of missing them and dealing with the associated withdrawals. I had been crying at the drop of a hat, spent a day in bed, yelled at Tom for being perfectly lovely on more than one occasion and entirely lost perspective. I knew that I needed my medication, but I continued to skip it because a couple of days without and I'd entirely forgotten the last time I felt joyful. I'm my own worst enemy in withdrawal. I actually didn't hit publish on that post until I was back to feeling myself, but something made me feel like I should actually put it out there rather than delete yet another ill-advised draft. My anxiety has become such a strong influence in my life that it feels just plain silly to hide it in shame. It is what it is. Most days I feel in control, but every now and then it rears it's ugly head and leaves me feeling impotent. I don't need to pretend otherwise; I'm proud of how far I've come. It was only a couple of years ago that I could barely leave the house because the fear was just so overwhelming.
As always in the last million months, my reasoning behind the lateness of this follow-up is that we're still sharing my computer since that incident wherein I stupidly threw a bottle of vodka into Tom's bag not realising that his computer was inside just waiting to be smashed. In this past week, Tom has been writing the application and then preparing for the interview that he had this morning. I don't want to jinx anything, but it somehow feels like this is the job. We'll find out really soon, so fingers crossed.
I spent two blissful days wandering and writing and at my own pace. In the mornings, I walked the dog in the Botanic Gardens. We sat at the cafe and watched the gondolas and Mr Biggles attracted the attention of many adoring strangers. I wrote, for the first time in far too long, simply for the sake of putting words to paper. I wandered up Swan Street and ate a delicious fish taco at Fonda. I spent a long while immersing myself in the beautiful art at the NGV. I sat a table in Degraves sipping delicious coffee, listening to a great busker and reading The Happiness Project. I caught up with an old boyfriend and met his lovely new lady. Returning to Adelaide, I felt so refreshed and inspired, so lucky for the flexibility in my life that allows brief escapes like this.
